So this is definitely a part of a long running campaign to get a recipe of mine put into the next edition of my family’s blue recipe book. The competition is fierce and I am not sure that the recipe that follows is actually legal in Louisiana.

Let me explain.

Firstly, to understand the dire straights I am in food wise, I mentioned to some other Americans I was with for Easter that I really had a craving for Boudin because I saw several people from home including Boudin in their Easter feasts. Ok these people couldn’t even pronounce Boudin. So yes, I do forget that Louisiana is not America. Then there is the sausage situation. There is sausage sold in some stores, but it isn’t smoked and is not spiced at all. And I have never seen a stalk of celery here.

That being said, food abounds here. Green vegetables, tomatoes, okra, avocados the size of a baby, bananas, potatoes, I could go on. I cook a lot, and cooking here is a real treat both for my stomach and for my understanding of the foodways of my home. My Tanzanian friends are continually surprised that I already knew how to cook greens when I got here, and okra, and beans. Yes, Louisiana is greatly influenced by African culture, but I am also reminded that “African” culture, is not unified- also Africa is a continent not a country (just incase anyone needed to remember that). I live in East Africa, in a country with a lot of Indian and Arabic influence due to it’s costal location. Also a country with high levels of poverty. An area of the country where everyone knows how to cook but cooking is about filling your stomach, it is not fun, just necessary. Therefore food is quite bland€¦ for a South Louisianan.

Nevertheless, I press on, trying to create meals that remind me of home and that allow me to cook the way I learned from my mother. So yes, I have a gumbo recipe. I am very much aware that everyone has their own recipe and no other gumbo can ever compare. Fine. I get that some people are disgusted by tomatoes in their gumbo. I get that potato salad is quite a divisive issue. And I get that claims of dark chocolate roux are sometimes akin to “catching the biggest fish.” Yes, I understand that Gumbo is in Cajun and Creole cuisine and that sometimes arguing too hard about what goes in the right kind of Gumbo is perhaps stepping into the territory of race and power, less about the cuisine. I understand that I am a young white woman who has not spent that long in East Africa, and that my perspective is quite flawed and informed by my own expectations and understandings (misunderstandings?) of my experiences.

So here is my gumbo recipe.


Chicken and Sausage Gumbo


•Boar’s sausage, or other available sausage. I would stay away from the Chicken sausage just personal experience.

•One Whole chicken- take note that you may have to remove the innards yourself.

•Green Bell Peppers

•Purple Onions- also known as just onions



•Optional- Tomatoes and fresh Okra.



•Seasonings of your choice


Boil chicken whole and pull meat off bones. Also slice your sausage and chop your vegetables (peppers, onions, ginger, garlic). In the pot that you boiled the chicken, return the chicken carcass and as you pre-chop your vegetables, put the stems and other unusable parts in the pot as well. You can also add carrot if you have any lying around. Fill the rest of the space with water, add salt and set the pot to boil on a back burner and forget about it. This will be stock to add later.

If you want to do okra, now is the time. Chop your fresh okra and tomatoes and sauté in a pot for a few minutes adding red pepper and salt, then add just enough water to cover the okra and tomatoes. Cover and let it stew for a while, adding water as needed.

As you wait for your stock and okra to stew, take a break and have a cup of coffee, have a bathroom break, and then get ready for the tough bit!

Now make a dark roux. Equal parts flour and oil in the thickest pot you can find (which may not be very impressive). Don’t stop stirring and don’t forget to scrape the edges of the pot. From experience I find that it is good to have an encourager for this part. That means someone to reassure you that it can still be darker. In hand cramp emergencies they can also take over the stirring for you. When you are happy with the shade of your roux, add in the Boar’s sausage. If your sausage is anything like mine, it will immediately crumble out of the casing and resemble something more like ground meat. Don’t panic, it will still taste good. The roux should continue to darken with the browning sausage. There should also be a distinctly barbecue smell. I don’t know why. Add your chopped vegetables and continue to stir. After several minutes (it’s your call really), add the stewed okra and tomatoes if you like. If you added the okra, then let it sit while you drink another cup of coffee. If you didn’t then add a few cupfuls of your stock. Add your chicken too.

After coffee, add spices to taste and add more stock depending on how much room is left in the pot. Keep adding spices till its right. But don’t forget that they get stronger the longer they sit and boil.

Keep the gumbo on the stove for a while longer. If you are eating it the same day you make it don’t forget to make rice- which means cleaning it. It’s like just a whole thing, I’ll cover how to clean rice in another installment of Cooking With Bernadette. Potato salad is fine too, or just boil potatoes if you don’t have the ingredients for potato salad… surely that isn’t too much of a sin?

While I don’t know the File’ situation here, yes there is Tabasco sauce.

Enjoy and try not to gag when your non-Louisiana American associates refer to it as a “good soup,” bless their hearts they mean well. Also, because they are not Louisianan, there is no need to justify using ginger or tomatoes, and they also probably don’t know that the sausage is not usually the consistency of ground meat- they just don’t understand these nuances, so why complicate their gumbo experience?

One more thing:

So the outcome is still delicious if not quite a typical Louisiana gumbo. I do however think the sentiment behind this gumbo is very true to its origins. It is about transforming basic foods into something unrecognizably delicious. It is about using the cheapest options and still succeeding. It is about using things that are fresh and local. It is an extravagant brag in the face of need and hardship. It is the luxury of taking precious time for a meal even though a quicker one would be easier. It is the explosive blending of cultures that do not always get along, that strive still to gain power in spite of or over the others. So yes, this is my Gumbo, chicken innards and all.


Dedicated to my sweet Brother. Happy Birthday Bud. I hope there is celery in Savannah.


My Control

I really appreciate the quiet. I need some quiet both for my mental health and for my spiritual health. I like to pray in silence, I like to think in silence. Silence forces me to confront myself, for in the absence of distractions I am left with nothing but the things that are part of me. I thought that silence was intangible, meaning illusive, an absence of sounds, of distraction, a widening of mental space that I have the choice to fill or not fill with whatever I choose.

What a shock then to discover that, at least in Tarime, there is a price to quiet. The price is so specific I am not sure the next time I will encounter a little quiet. The price is one Coke, well, the monetary price. I was waiting for my roommate to return from work with the keys to our house, so I went to the closest restaurant to wait for her. I would have just waited under one of the shops out front of our apartment, but it was raining pretty hard and it had been a long day. So I decided to walk a little farther in hopes of ultimately being more dry and enjoying a little caffeine during the wait.

That is 1 coke + A walk in the rain

Well it rained so hard the power went out. This is important because restaurants will always have a tv playing or a radio on if the power grid allows. Having taken refuge at this particular restaurant before, I know that the television is usually on too loud when there is power. And if I had been at home I probably would have had to listen to my roommate’s music. Sure I like music, but I have noticed that Tanzanians are comfortable with a much smaller music collection than I am. My roommate will play the same song on repeat for hours, she says she just forgets it is playing. I guess I’m more sensitive to sound, cause I hear every second of that contemporary praise song that has been playing on repeat for three hours.

That is 1 coke + A walk in the rain + A power outage + An absent roommate

Besides electronic noise, there is a constant flow of what we shall call “ambient noise.” Buildings tend to be more open to the outside world here, doors and windows do not seal tightly when closed, and no air conditioning units means lots of open doors and windows any way. Well this allows the sounds of neighborhood kids, busy street traffic and calling vendors to assault my ears from the crack of dawn to late at night when sometimes the street dogs get into fights right outside my window. This rainstorm either drowned out the ambient noise or the moisture chased everyone inside for a few hours.

That is 1 coke + A walk in the rain + A power outage + An absent roommate + A whole community choosing to stay inside

I ran into the restaurant breathing hard and a little wet. I bustled in and sat in the corner, hoping to not have to field too many questions from locals about my presence here.  It wasn’t until I placed my order, and sat back to catch my breath that I registered I was the only one in the room. This is when I had the revelation about quiet. About what a privilege quiet is. I have always thought of quiet as an absence of, lack of, sounds. At that moment in the empty restaurant, silence was profound and miraculous. It was heavy like a satisfying burger in your stomach, it was clean like a starched Easter dress, and it was as rare as that bird we looked for on vacation to Big Bend National Park that we never found.

That is 1 coke + A walk in the rain +  A power outage + An absent roommate + A whole community choosing to stay inside + An empty restaurant

Alone in that empty room I realized that it was quiet. Perhaps for the first time in Tarime, it was truly quiet. So I sat in the quiet and drank a Coke.

I think that I like quiet because it evokes calmness the in a way nothing else has ever been presented to me. I learned long ago that quiet was natural, an idea that paints images of serenity and peace. I think quiet also allows me to think I am in control. Maybe I am in control, but that has not equipped me for living in Tarime.

Quiet must be created here, the “natural” is far from silent. And I think the spirit of this community thrives in the freedom to make noise, the control of using your own voice, not by eliminating sounds that do not come from you. Imagine the feelings of helplessness, of dependency, of no control, that I faced amidst the constant noise, believing that control and peace were inherently and (more importantly) exclusively, in the quiet.  Indeed sound is still very much about control. My roommate would rather lose herself in a repetitive sound of her choosing instead of the distracting random noises of the outside world. In church our individual prayers are spoken aloud, simultaneously but different, together the collective noise seeping out of the rickety sanctuary and covering the noises of the competing churches and street sounds. Control is in joining the cacophony. I think we can all learn from this idea that we should use what we can control, our bodies, or voices, to affect the things around us. We cannot passively wait for the quiet that may never come.

There are many jokes about “African Time,” the heart of the jokes come from a frustration at how long it takes to do things “in Africa.” I would say this is true to my experience so far in Tanzania. But the longer I am here, the more I wonder at the root of this frustrating bit of culture. Perhaps it is not a lack of awareness of time, or a lack of regard for other’s time. Perhaps instead it is a rebellion against sound. Against noise. I spend many mornings drinking uji with the staff of the Emmanuel Center, it is a ritual that says, “we shall do our work, but while there is still mist in the mountains, we will sit here and appreciate it.” It is an attitude that accepts the noise of the world that we cannot control, but in exchange, we demand time. It is a slow-moving battle that does not require weapons, or money, or even food. It just requires a slow walk, a few extra words to your neighbor before you leave for work, the choice to finish the cup of coffee before getting out of bed. In the intangibility of noise, the untouchable sounds from other sources, Tanzanians have figured out how control time in a way very different from the American grasp of time.

So This holy week I will be learning how to pray and contemplate at all times, at unexpected times, at times that are seemingly wrong. I will not look for quiet, but I will accept it if it finds me. I will give thanks for being able to recognize quiet and will pray that it will be just one tool of many that I possess to connect with God and to recognize  the holy spirit moving.


Once Again

I had the unique experience of getting to visit Arusha this week for an Evangelism conference for leaders of the Tanzanian United Methodist Church. This leadership included the District Superintendents, Missionaries, and Men’s and Women’s chairpersons. I will just go ahead and say that I … Continue reading Once Again


I am working towards a very intimate relationship with dust, vumbi. I walk a lot, most people do, sure there’s other transportation but my momma already paid for my legs. I am learning how to put my head down when a car passes to minimize inhaling the small particles, I am learning to walk quickly past the burning trash piles, and I know what color to expect when I sneeze. Dust cannot be avoided. Dust hides in the creases of my jeans, it sticks to the fibers of my hair (little of it that there is), and it never leaves the undersides of my fingernails. Even as I sit here in the office, the open doors look out onto a dusty red street and I hope the wind blows away from me, or I will have to sweep all the dust out of the office again, which I have done once already this morning. When I return to my home after a day of walking, my feet are stained a reddish brown, and real scrubbing must occur to remove the dust. Being a person of great visible difference from the majority of my colleagues and friends here, I receive well-meaning attention both for the visible collection of dust on my body and for the lack of skin care products appropriate for maintaining my skin. There is a greater occurrence of acne on my face and arms because of the dust, which people are very willing to notice and worry about (I would much rather pretend it wasn’t there at all). And while we all possess the same insides, Vaseline does much less good for my outsides than most others here who use it as lotion, hair oil, lip balm, and probably instead of Tylenol.


On Ash Wednesday we wait in line to receive a glob of dirt on our faces. It is special dirt; it is ashes, usually from the Palm Sunday palms of the previous year. It is dirt that is particularly black, it is very fine, it smudges well, but not so well that it falls onto carefully pressed white collared shirts or dry-clean only dresses. Ashes are clean dirt. Ashes are a way for us, at least for a day, to wear on the outside a part of our faith that is very difficult to admit. It represents the part where we mess up. It is when we get to talk about the fact that as humans we think we know. So we act. And only after acting do we realize that we did not know, that we were wrong, or that we knew but did it anyway. Ashes remind us that bodies are just bodies when the life is gone. And that a Black teen murdered by a cop becomes the same earth as the body of an old woman who died peacefully in her bed, as the body of a victim of a school shooting, as the body of a soldier shipped home in a casket. We wear ashes to remember and learn. We remember how we asked, “what were you wearing?” because that was easier than admitting that person whom we respect is hurting people. We learn that they kept hurting people because we refused to listen. We learn that even in repenting, and knowing we are forgiven, time does not reverse. A life that leaves a body does not return, spoken words cannot be unspoken, a country will have always been colonized. We remember that it is not God’s job to fix our mistakes.


We pour all of our guilt, all of our icky feelings and regrets into the fire that burns the ashes just as we dumped colorful sugar on braided cinnamon bread the day before. By submerging these feelings in the cleansing flames, and wearing the remainder of them, the ashes, on our foreheads, we are finally able to say the things in our hearts. We can say “yes, I did that thing, I didn’t even know I was doing it.” The miracle of Ash Wednesday is the fire, the purging of the good and the bad- for we should neither rest on our laurels nor wallow in guilt of past wrongs. The ashes are a covenant with God. God promises reconciliation of the past and of our mistakes to come, we must only press on. We must press on even though we only hear anger or fear or hurt in the people whom we may hope for reconciliation; but our responsibility is to each other, our reconciliation is with God.


While Ash Wednesday is one day and Lent is one season to make these reflections, we must wear the dust, the vumbi, every day. Lent is the start, the training wheels. The structure of a church service and a resolution to be mindful each day are our helmet and kneepads. For the road is rocky. We fall, we remember when we fell before, and we will fall again. The question is will we get back on the bike. The road is dusty. The dust settles in the creases of our jeans, it sticks to the fibers of our hair, it clings to the undersides of our fingernails; it takes real scrubbing to remove all of it. Will we go outside anyway? In a world where there may not be the right lotion or the right shampoo to be fully cleansed, will we accept the dust anyway?


Wear your dust with pride today, then wash it off and prepare for the dust tomorrow, there will be dust tomorrow.

Alpha and Omega

In Revelations, it is written that God is “the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.” I assumed that meant that God was also in the things in between. Having graduated from a university with an extensive Greek system, I am aware that there are more than two letters in the Greek alphabet. A recent trip I took to Mwanza has given me a new vision of Alpha and Omega.


I went to Mwanza for a funeral, while there, a baby was born. The funeral should have happened the day I arrived in Mwanza, an ending at the beginning of my trip. However, it did not happen till the night before I left. In fact, my trip was longer because I was waiting for the service.


Upon arrival, instead of being immersed in the stressful and heartbreaking preparations of a grieving family preparing their final goodbyes, I was enlisted to help with the stressful and heartbreaking preparations of a swiftly coming baby. Except the baby took its time, took too long. It is not always clear who knows most about giving birth. Is it the doctor? Is it the Mama to be? Is it the plethora of murmuring Mamas and Bibis that crowd and worry around the expectant mother?


Well the baby came finally, an end to waiting, a beginning of discovery and growth. But babies are so delicate, they are indeed life and lively, but death lingers for a while in the doorway, ready to slip in at the darkest part of the night. Baby is fine, and with each small intake of breath in this new world she is stronger. Would Mama be okay though? How does such a blessed beginning of a life change by the possibility of a different life ending? Mama’s life? How does it feel when the doctor, who should be the secure passage of new life into this world, also bears the dark shadow of death?


So we held our breath, we gathered experience and wisdom, we talked, we prayed. We prayed for the new life, we prayed to keep the life that lay drained and exhausted, fragile as her small child. I came to Mwanza for one funeral; I did not intend to go to two.


Mama and baby are both well and healthy, but I shouldn’t say that death did not touch the family, for death is in fear, and there was much fear. The funeral was sad, it was an end, and people carried on as people must. When the sound went out, the choir kept singing, food came from somewhere, an alley between houses became a sanctuary. There is worry and stress about the future, but the fear is past. I have yet to hear of a person who’s fear is vested in something already done, The fear comes with anticipation, with waiting. There are hard times for this mourning family, but the sting of death, like a mosquito bite, is faded. Where, O Death, is now thy sting?


I came to Mwanza for a funeral, while there, a baby was born. Each thread of life has a beginning and end. It is the weaving together, the patterns, the designs that lead us each from our beginning to our end. Karibu. Welcome.


In our end is our beginning,
in our time, infinity;
in our doubt there is believing,
in our life, eternity,
in our death, a resurrection,
at the last, a victory,
unrevealed until its season,
something God alone can see.

(Hymn of Promise, v. 3)


How to Cut Up a Pineapple

To cut up a pineapple you must first go and find a pineapple. So you and your roommate Cynthia go to the market, well, markets because you can’t just have pineapple for dinner you also need cabbage, onions, carrots, pili pili peppers, and tomatoes (kabati, vitunguu, carroti, pili pili, na nyanya). Oh and you need bread for breakfast. That is at least three different stops. So when you finally get to the kibanda with the good pineapples, you are already longing for the light sweet flavor. To pick a good one is easy, just run your hand along the bottom of each pineapple in the mound and find the one that is leaking. That is the one you will take home.


So you buy your leaking pineapple for elfu mbili tano (about $1.00), put it in your bag with the other foods for dinner and head home. When you get home you must lay out all of the buckets and sufurias you will need to cook dinner, and for the pineapple of course. You fill one bucket with tap water or rain water (it doesn’t have to be boiled because everything will be cooked or peeled. You throw all your veggies in the bucket to wash. You can also peel them over the water, keeping all the mess in the bucket and your knife clean. As the carrots, peppers, tomato, and onion are peeled and chopped you throw them in to another sufuria. The cabbage, which you bought already chopped in the market, is in another bowl soaking. While your roommate heats the oil to cook the veggies and cabbage, you set to work on the pineapple, it was your idea in the first place.


As if it knew the monstrous task ahead of you, the power shuts off just as you kneel down to make your first cut. So, you put down the knife and look for your flashlight; you then spend several minutes in debate with your roommate about what is the best angle to rest it so you can both see what you are doing. Compromise is tough when pineapples are involved. Eventually you settle on a position and resume the task of cutting. The good news is the woman who sold you the pineapple pulled the top off for you (with her bare hands!) so you don’t have to do that part. Now the tricky part is in the organization. You don’t have a cutting board, just a pot, a towel, and a knife. So to buy more time you wash it in the rainwater but then realize it is rainwater and have to find a way to dry it off quickly. It’s okay though, during the distraction you’ve figured out your plan. First you cut it into fourths, place three of them on the towel and peel the fourth in the bowl with the knife. You do the same to the other three.


After the second one, the power turns back on so you must wipe your hands and run to plug all of your electronics in so that they will be charged enough for the next time the power cuts out. After that you kneel down and peel the other two quarters. You dig around under the sink for a clean plate, when you find one, you slice the pineapple quarters long ways and let them fall into the bowl. Now your pineapple is cut, but you must put the pineapple debris in a bag and deposit it into the communal garbage can outside. Then return and wash your hands. Dinner will not be ready quite yet, and you do not have a refrigerator, so there is nothing stopping you from digging in! Oh, but you should probably share with your roommate, oh and the little girl next door would love some, and her mom. Do you think the neighbor across the courtyard wants some? He never cooks his own food.


So maybe in the end you only get one or two slices. But eating a whole pineapple in one night, filling up so you are about to bust and then rolling into bed, is maybe not as much fun as it sounds. The eating is just for a moment; the preparation is all night. Indeed if I just wanted to eat pineapple, the preparation would not be worth it. The preparation is as sweet as the fruit itself.


Come thou long expected Jesus

Born to set thy people free;

From our fears and sins release us;

Let us find our rest in thee.


Lord, let us not fear finding the Joy of Christ’s coming. Whether that means saving up to buy pecans and whiskey for fruitcakes to share, or taking on the task of cutting up a pineapple in Tanzania, let us push forward. Let us soak in the hardships, the awkward moments and the late nights of decorating and planning. When we find this Joy, help us to share it. A cup of coffee is never quite as satisfying as when taken with a friend, a loaf of bread is much sweeter when wrapped snugly in aluminum foil and hand delivered.


As we anticipate lighting the “Joy candle” on the advent wreath, let us remember that Christ is the light of the whole world, not just for Methodists, not just for our city, not just for us. This means that it is a long road, it is frustrating, it is dusty, we may not have all the tools we think we need to share this Joy. And how much sweeter is the Good News because of that?